Putting my attitude in its place


This has been a very eventful week for me!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I DID get a job.

…but, I also got a call from another place I interviewed at and accepted that job instead.

The other job was temporary only with a slight chance of getting into another position. This job is purely administrative, pays more AND is leading into a permanent position. This isn’t through a job agency; it’s with the company itself.

Let’s just say that I get more hours than I can almost handle.

In the beginning of the week, I was seriously ready to quit. Due to the fact that right before I was brought in, a girl who was there for three years just quit. There are only two people in my department.

Being bipolar and super anxiety-prone, I was overwhelmed by both the fact that I had a new job and that overtime is mandatory.

I work an average of ten hours a day. The first two days made me panic. As in I came home and acted like everything was okay with my parents and then I just fucking cried in bed before I slept.

It seems as though drastic or even semi-drastic changes scare the hell out of me. I also have learned that it is common with people who are bipolar. To be honest, that comforts me.

My attitude changed, though, when I caught myself talking to my boyfriend and hearing the anger in my own voice.

I thought: if I continue down this path with this much anger, I’ll lose this job. No full-time job will ever be good for me and I’ll always make excuses to quit!

Folks, that moment has totally changed me. I think I finally hit the “aha!” moment.

In regards to weight loss…well, I can no longer be a member of TOPS.

Unfortunately, my “shift” (8AM to 6PM) happens to end when our TOPS meeting starts.

This doesn’t actually upset me. I can simply weigh myself in the morning after my first “movement” in the morning with the same scale. I’m going to start this next Thursday morning.

I have to keep up with my exercise, though. Today I “re-being” my exercises and going back to decent eating.


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