I’m around, I swear! XD
I feel like I have this “me” who wants to do good, truly. She wants to fight and take on the obstacles in her daily life and stick to her plan. She can take on the world and rarely be put down!
But that bitch ain’t moving ’cause nothing is making her budge! (Or…teacher-monk…guy)
I gotta tell you guys: This last week has been an eye-opener when it comes to my weight. Bad things are happening to me left and right.
Not only am I still bleeding, but I had pneumonia all last week (and today). It sucks. Antibiotics have shit site effects and I feel lousy.
Did I mention I’ve started to gain back my weight? Oh, I have. It’s like my fucking life stops the second it’s not “perfect” and life isn’t that way at all. Why can’t I get that through my head?
I started off pretty doing really well 3 weeks ago: I went to the gym and was feeling great. I was on the treadmill and telling myself all the good things, like “you’re doing great!” and “way to move!”. I then felt a tap on my shoulder by a staff member and was asked to join their team exercises in one of the trainer rooms. It was free and I was excited to join. Why not?
Not only did it kick my ass and I was so overwhelmed, I had to stop 75% through in order to use my inhaler.
I cannot begin to tell you all how much of a failure I felt like. I felt totally defeated.
True, the exercises were a bit out of my league, but I wanted to push myself in order to prove to myself I can do it. I was SO embarrassed walking out of there.
I honestly feel like I just spiraled after that. If it seems infuriating to you, believe me, I feel the same way.
I have a million intentions to go home and do my body strength exercises, and I’m instantly preoccupied by things I have to do around the house or feel SO, VERY tired. I’m up at 5AM and I get home around 4:30PM.
I have one goal for the following 4 weeks (40-44): to do the Nerd Fitness body exercises 3x weekly. At the end, I will measure my body to see if that made a difference.
Re-spawn #325345435 starts now.